


when you look me in the eyes

by voldemochi



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: Canon, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-21
Updated: 2015-05-10
Packaged: 2018-03-18 23:46:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3588453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/voldemochi/pseuds/voldemochi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the photographer said to make it look like they were close for this photoshoot. “you two,” he points at changmin and yunho with his two fingers, “have to show your fans that you’re still strong, if not stronger, with just the two of you, that the bond is even closer. you need to show,” he pauses to find the right word, “the power of what you have left.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. when you look me in the eyes

the photographer said to make it look like they were close for this photoshoot. “you two,” he points at changmin and yunho with his two fingers, “have to show your fans that you’re still strong, if not stronger, with just the two of you, that the bond is even closer. you need to show,” he pauses to find the right word, “the power of what you have left.” 

the phrase _just the two of us_ rings in changmin’s head. it’s only me and hyung left, he thinks, only us. he repeats those words in his head, as if it’s january again, not march, and they’re getting ready for their comeback as 2 after more than a year since dbsk’s breakup. the stylists and crew help position them throughout the photoshoot, carefully styling flyaway hairs and readjusting makeup. the set is heavy with hairspray and unspoken tension. changmin hasn’t talked to yunho since management decided to do release the repackage of keep your head down. after the meeting, yunho abruptly left the table, leaving changmin alone in his swivel chair and a cold cup of coffee. he stares at the door yunho left through so hard, he thinks he could bore holes in them and probably the back of yunho’s head. one of the producers pats him on the shoulder sympathetically before leaving. he didn’t want anyone’s pity.

the photographer shouts commands at them, “closer! sit next to each other!” yunho scooches closer until his knees hit changmin’s. “take his hand, changmin-ssi! as if you’re brothers!” the photographer motions by clasping his two hands together. so changmin shifts a little on the floor; the white sheet isn’t helping his comfort and he feels like he’s 14 again, trying to reach for untouchable leader, the person he wanted to be, the one he could never be, the one he could never reach. yunho was too busy being the leader of asia’s top pop group, too busy being perfect in front of the cameras, too damn busy to pay attention to little maknae changmin. not so little anymore though. changmin slowly stretches his arm for yunho, but yunho moves to sit in front of changmin and meets his fingers halfway.

changmin admires yunho’s hands, tough from more than 9 years of practice and hardships of raising the band bottom up. yunho’s fingers are soft, changmin notices, the pads smooth from the lotion and the nails  polished like diamonds. he lightly plays with the tips of yunho’s fingers, as if they were the delicate glass blown pieces he likes to collect. he focuses on yunho’s hair; it’s soft and brown, and all changmin wants to do is run his fingers through yunho’s hair and tell him they’re going to make it through together, just like he tells himself every night.

and he stares at yunho; how could such a kind and gentle leader be so cold and distant in a time of need. changmin wants yunho to say something, anything, to him. the silence was killing him inside out; he wants to hear yunho laugh and see him cry and he just wants him to do anything that would reassure changmin that he’s  _human_. yunho looks up, and changmin feels like a 5 year old stealing cookies from the jar past bed time. yunho stares at him with such intensity that changmin feels like his thoughts are exposed for yunho to see and throw away. their hands still, but still touching. changmin doesn’t blink or look away; yunho’s eyes look so sad and so tired, the pupils screaming help and changmin thinks he’s falling into the abyss that are his eyes and falling a little deeper in with the leader who won’t notice him even after 8 long years. changmin studies yunho’s face like his life’s future depends on it; he sees the dark bags under his eyes and the acne scars that speckle his cheeks through the thin layer of concealer and foundation. yunho gives an imperceptible nod, something like, “you alright?” and changmin breaks his stare into yunho’s eyes down to his lips. they’re pink, full, and unchapped, and it’s not fair that his leader, no, his  _hyung,_  can look fine and no one would know what’s going on his head.

yunho notices changmin dropping his gaze down his face and he looks down to their fingers, now crossed together loosely, almost hesitantly. changmin follows suit and he sees his thumb grazing over yunho’s fingers, his knuckles and his ring finger, and his pinky curling into yunho’s. he wants to promise yunho that they can stay strong like they were when they were 5, that changmin is always going to be there for him. he wants to promise his hyung the world, but he knows, in the heart of his hearts, that jung yunho won’t settle for anything less than the universe.  changmin knows that he can’t give yunho the universe, nevertheless the rod straight security he needs right now. 

he starts off small; in that moment, changmin makes a promise to himself that he won’t let yunho down.

later, maybe, just maybe, he can give yunho everything else. 


	2. time works wonders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> half the day goes by, but yunho’s still not talking to changmin. 
> 
> changmin is frustrated

half the day goes by, but yunho’s still not talking to changmin. 

changmin is frustrated.

the photographer puts him and yunho in compromising positions that are far from actually compromising, but yunho complies nicely and oh so perfectly, face stoic and calm like smooth and polished marble. changmin has to lean in closely, a little too close for comfort because he can smell the fresh scent of yunho’s cologne, and he can count the small scars on his face, even through the thinly smeared foundation. 

the photographer says, “lean in closer, changmin!” and changmin does, but notices yunho gulping just as he puts his cheek close to his ear. the camera snaps white flashes and tangled figures. changmin’s lips are so close to yunho’s ear, and changmin desperately wants to call out  _hyung_. but he doesn’t, and if yunho notices anything off, he doesn’t show it through the sophisticated distant looks. 

yunho smiles when the photographer asks for a few during his solo shots, and changmin looks at yunho disdainfully behind carrot sticks and energy drinks. a stylist timidly comes up to his side to powder his nose and neck, and he leans down so she could reach his face while the words  _power_ and  _together_ still thud in changmin’s head, a background bass line that keeps his life song together. 

changmin wants a reaction out of yunho, anything to turn off the heat from the simmering anxiety in his stomach. yunho shares a joke with the crew, the first time changmin’s heard yunho’s voice all day, and the bubbling feeling is at the opening of his esophagus. changmin shakes in hysterical laughter, and points at yunho. “can you believe this?” changmin asks ridiculously, arms and chest shaking in relief.  _he can talk, who knew!_ changmin would exclaim, but professionalism is important and so is not toeing the line. 

not yet. 

yunho’s still smiling, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. changmin rests his chin on yunho’s shoulder, just like how the photographer suggested, face gone cold and focused. yunho’s warm and steady under his arm, and changmin swears he can feel yunho’s heartbeat thrumming through his shirt, and he wonders when yunho will finally bare his thoughts to him, come clean to him about everything,  _come_   _home to him._

the final shots are taken and changmin lets out a sigh. he and yunho thank the crew for their hard work and wish them success for the results of the photoshoot. they wait outside in silence for their manager, decked out in winter coats, scarves, and knitted beanies. they don’t say much to each other, and once manager hyung comes, they bring the same quietude into the van. 

manager hyung plays soft orchestral music from the radio, violins and harps washing the stiff air in pleasant silence. yunho sits with changmin in the back, his plush arm pressing against changmin’s muscled one. 

“how did the photoshoot go?” manager hyung asks when they reach a red light.

yunho responds, “the photoshoot went well. don’t you think so, changmin?’ and he reaches for changmin’s hand and holds it in his, slightly rough and cold from the weather, but it feels like a flickering candle to changmin’s touch. he looks at changmin like he did something right, brown eyes that hold the future so delicately but securely. 

“yeah,” changmin chokes out. his fingers tangle into yunho’s, and it feels like home. “it was fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hit me up @ tumblr (maknaenim/dbskism/voldemochi) if you want to talk! thanks for reading~!

**Author's Note:**

> crying @ this thing; there's probably another part in the works~
> 
> find me at voldemochi/dbskism/maknaenim @ tumblr


End file.
